Worst day of work

Last Tuesday was probably the worst day of work for me, through no fault of my own. I entered work relatively cool-headed. I figured that the only disappointment that I would have to face would be jibes from my co-workers about losing the staff party. Instead, I received news that one of my students had been caught stealing an employee’s phone.

As the School Director, I got to sit in on the meeting where my general manager interrogated the student for an hour before dismissing her. As an added terrible bonus, I got to watch her cry streams of tears as she tried in the end to apologize and plead to stay.

When I looked up into her face, I felt as helpless as she did. I didn’t want this to happen in the first place, and I didn’t want this to be the outcome. I don’t think my GM wanted this either, but her hands were tied. She had dismissed a staff the previous month for the same offence.

As my HR director tried to gently coax the student out of the office, I could help but wonder if the situation would suck less if the student were one of the lower-performing ones instead of one of the best. I felt the sort heartache of betrayal, not that the now-ex-student had betrayed me, but the sort of cosmic betrayal that allows unnecessarily stupid and hurtful things to happen.

In spite of that feeling, and also feeling like I needed to cry and like I had been slapped in the face, I still had the responsibility to explain to the remaining students why this girl was dismissed. I tried to press on them the importance of respect; to respect others and their property, but more importantly to respect yourself and to make decisions like an adult.

Months or years later, I may look back on this as an important managerial experience or a good story to tell for an interview. Right now, my only feeling on the situation is that it sucks. I just had to kick out a student whose mother died in childbirth and whose father dumped her with his mother-in-law; a student who hadn’t made a mistake at school prior to this one; a student that I would describe as quiet but exceptionally friendly and helpful.

In spite of knowing that none of this is my fault, I can’t shake the feeling that I contributed to the overall suckiness of the situation. I also feel a great desire to set everything back in time and reverse what has been done, but I know that can’t happen. And knowing that I can’t change it sucks most of all.

I am going to take a long weekend and see a new city. Some friends said there was a circus there. I plan on returning on Monday and remembering that I love my job, even if not everything about it is lovely.